|
Humor
Jun 12, 2004 13:09:01 GMT -5
Post by Wildrider on Jun 12, 2004 13:09:01 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Jun 19, 2004 21:19:33 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Jun 19, 2004 21:19:33 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Jun 24, 2004 1:19:50 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Jun 24, 2004 1:19:50 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 8, 2004 1:11:10 GMT -5
Post by LS on Jul 8, 2004 1:11:10 GMT -5
Bush Campaign Slogans
The Bush/Cheney folks want YOUR opinions about possible campaign slogans. The choices have been narrowed down to:
Bush/Cheney '04: Because the Truth Just Isn't Good Enough
Bush/Cheney '04: The Last Vote You'll Ever Have to Cast
Bush/Cheney: Asses of Evil Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism
Vote Bush in '04: "I Has Incumbentory Advantitude."
Bush/Cheney '04: "You're either with us or against us!"
Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-voodoo all over again!
Bush/Cheney '04: Four More Wars!
Bush/Cheney '04: Leave no billionaire behind.
BU__SH__!
Bush/Cheney '04: Lies and videotape but no sex!
Bush/Cheney '04: Making the world a better place, one country at a time.
Bush/Cheney '04: Or else.
Bush/Cheney '04: Over a billion Whoppers served.
Bush/Cheney '04: Putting the "con" in conservatism.
Bush/Cheney '04: Thanks for not paying attention.
Bush/Cheney '04: This time, elect us!
Bush/Cheney '04: We're Gooder!
George W. Bush: A brainwave away from the presidency.
George W. Bush: Honest as his day is long.
George W. Bush: It takes a village- idiot.
George W. Bush: Leadership without a doubt.
George W. Bush: The buck stops Over There.
Reselect Bush/Cheney in '04.
Vote Bush in '04: It's a no-brainer!
Vote for Bush & You Get Dick!
More Trees, Less Bush
One Person, One Vote (*May Not Apply in Certain States)
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 8, 2004 22:49:08 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Jul 8, 2004 22:49:08 GMT -5
Anyone hear about the Manchurian Candidate movie? Just change the VP for the Prez, and the Chinese for the Arabs, and boy do you have a political statement!
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 12, 2004 22:47:57 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Jul 12, 2004 22:47:57 GMT -5
EvildoersAssociated Press News Bulletin A tragic fire on Sunday morning, June 27, 2004, destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the President was devastated, as he had not yet finished coloring the second one.
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 18, 2004 20:59:28 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Jul 18, 2004 20:59:28 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 21, 2004 22:23:56 GMT -5
Post by SanAntonioMike on Jul 21, 2004 22:23:56 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 21, 2004 22:27:50 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Jul 21, 2004 22:27:50 GMT -5
You know you're in a redneck jail when... Four Tennessee inmates go on beer run, charged with escape The Associated Press ROGERSVILLE, Tenn. - The party’s over for four inmates accused of going on a beer run after the jail’s doors were accidentally left unlocked. advertisement The men were charged Monday with escape and bringing alcohol into a jail. The breakout occurred Thursday night after cellblock doors at the Hawkins County Jail were left unlocked and a faulty control panel failed to alert jailers, Sheriff Warren Rimer said. Two of the inmates walked out through a fire exit, leaving the door propped open with a Bible, and made a hole in the exercise yard fence. They walked to a market, bought some beer and returned to the jail to share it with other prisoners. When the booze ran out, the other two inmates made another beer run to a different store. Authorities believe the inmates bought more than two cases of beer in all. “I guess they thought if they came back they wouldn’t be charged with escape,” Rimer said, “but they were wrong.”<br> The store visits did not raise alarm because the inmates were wearing street clothes borrowed from other prisoners. The crowded jail does not have enough orange jumpsuits to go around.
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 23, 2004 23:49:52 GMT -5
Post by LS on Jul 23, 2004 23:49:52 GMT -5
What Is Politics?
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican National Convention Schedule New York, NY
6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell 6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance 6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment) 6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing 6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment 7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong 7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner 8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh 8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children 8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only) 8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future 9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" 9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong 9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires 9:30 PM Break for secret meetings 10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas 10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy 10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho 10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare 10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt 10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans 10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong 10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy 11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata 11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again 11:35 PM Blame Clinton 11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies 11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself 12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 24, 2004 1:45:56 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Jul 24, 2004 1:45:56 GMT -5
Another version
The 2004 Republican National Convention (New York City)
10:00 am: Opening Ceremony: Pat Boone accompanies Lee Greenwood singing "I'm Proud to be an American"
10:05 am: Vote on motion to go into Closed Session. (If motion fails, Justice Antonin Scalia will announce that all media must turn off audio and video recording devices.)
10:30 am: Katherine Harris speaks on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
10:45 am: Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
11:00 am: Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
11:10 am: Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Birth Control Should Be Outlawed"
11:30 am: Rush Limbaugh - "Just Say No To Drugs"
11:45 am: Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"
12:00 noon: Singing of "God Bless America" and big screen projection of "Blue Angels" fly-over
12:04 pm: Lunch Break - steak with vegetable sides of ketchup and relish, yellow cake
12:30 pm: Oliver North - "Never Trade Arms with Terrorists"
1:00 pm: Reps. Doolittle and DeLay speak on the GOP congressional agenda.
1:30 pm: Group cheer--Global-warming-schmobal warming!
1:35 pm: GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell and Condi Rice
2:00 pm: Accounting for Beginners--"Tax Cuts are Good for Deficit Reduction"
2:30 pm: Labor Secretary Elaine Chao speaks on "Economic Growth Through Job Exportation"
3:00 pm: Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
3:30 pm: Unveiling of "The Guide to Imperialism" by the Heritage Foundation
4:00 pm: Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
4:15 pm: "Eradicate Poor People" Happy Hour (guided sight-seeing buses leaving for Harlem every 10 minutes)
6:00 pm: Dinner Break: Texas-Style Endangered Species Barbeque
7:00 pm: John Ashcroft leads ceremonial burning of the Bill of Rights
(Note to convention hall staff - make sure statue of Justice is fully clothed)
7:15 pm: George W. Bush video tribute "Higher than a Kite: Portrait of a Fighter Pilot"
7:30 pm: Vote on motion to put image of Ronald Reagan on one dollar bill
Keynote Speech by Dick Cheney (Exact time TBA, depending on his arrival from secret bunker).
8:00 pm: "Kiss Ass" session with Christian Coalition
8:30 pm: Workshop on government-corporate relations by Dick Cheney
8:45 pm: Log Cabin Republicans Encounter Session-- Coming to Terms with Your Self-Hatred
9:00 pm: Assault Rifle Raffle
|
|
|
Humor
Jul 27, 2004 20:44:36 GMT -5
Post by LS on Jul 27, 2004 20:44:36 GMT -5
Donkey Wins Colorado Mayoral Election
FLORISSANT, Colo. (AP) - No elephants need apply. This unincorporated area on Saturday re-elected Paco Bell, a donkey, as its mayor, and that wasn't even close. Two of the four candidates didn't show up.
It's all part of the 15th annual Heritage Days in the town between Divide and Lake George on Colorado Highway 24. Residents like to poke fun at the political process, and they do it by electing a donkey as mayor. Paco Bell won re-election against two no shows and a white donkey named Birdie.
"We had one who was colicky, so he couldn't make it, and another one's trailer broke down, so he couldn't come either,'' said organizer Tracie Bennitt.
Volunteers the Pikes Peak Historical Society stuffed Paco Bell's ballot box with donations - ensuring him a second term.
Dagney Hales, 8, and Sam Easto, 7, fed the mayor wild goldenrod, green stalks with little yellow flowers, and Teller County Sheriff Kevin Dougherty swore in the incumbent.
"This is good and rural,'' Dougherty said. "We love doing this kind of stuff.''
|
|
|
Humor
Aug 5, 2004 21:31:16 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Aug 5, 2004 21:31:16 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Aug 6, 2004 1:03:26 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Aug 6, 2004 1:03:26 GMT -5
|
|
|
Humor
Aug 26, 2004 1:36:06 GMT -5
Post by Roughneck on Aug 26, 2004 1:36:06 GMT -5
Hey Sis, you said this was coming, well here it is!
|
|